Friday, May 23, 2008

what to do?

GuruDheva why it is happening to me. Even that canada project also went away from my hand why you are doing like this and whom are they doing like that. this is the second one which i got failure within 2 months. one for dubai and another one for canada. i thought that it will be long term and i could save some money and i can solve some money problem. But GuruDheva why i am getting this much failure. The only thing i can think that i am feeling unhappy or happy also. But everything comes near to hand and its goes away. i hope you will give me a very good oppurtunity more than this one. whether some has kept the bad thing to me. he is telling that this will be short term for 3 months and you will work here in india again. but i thought that i will get a long term, and i will solve some money problem, but i dont know how i am going to repay the money to seeni and karthik. i am feeling that some is laughing at me and saying you aer waste fellow and you are not a lucky guy to have anything and even you are not quality and qualify to live in this world. because what ever i keep the hands now i am getting failure and i know that i am thinking perfectly only and i know what i am doing. nothing seems to be good for me. everything is going wrong for me. you yesterday called me to come to singaperumal kovil i went there as you said and i saw you there. for first 2 mins you did not allowed me inside and then you showed me the third eye of you. I could not understand what is happening against me and whom are all doing. Even this project is also went off. some one will say if you cryed very lot even tears will not come from your eyes. now i am not getting tears in my eyes and not blood also because i have pored all from my ears. i know that i have not followed you and i have done most wrong things, but you can give me one chance to me for survive and to come back in good path. everything seems to be wrong path and i could not judge what i am going to do. i know that i have lost all my relations and there care, i lost most friends, i lost my charater, l lost my money, i lost my education, i lost everything what ever the list may be. who is going to pay me the credit card after coming from bangalore i never asked my father for money. i dont know what anu is planning and what she is going to do. on sunday i dont know what sir is going to do. the only thing left from me is life only. if you want that one also please take that from me and set me free from this world. i will be happy. i am not getting sleep daily i dont know how to solve all things i dont have any choice. you only told me to join mindtree with this low salary even i have not hike as well as the lead position from them. i thought you are only telling me to do so. you only told me that i have to wait for the lead but atleast the salary what happened i did not get in that one. even i dont have sufficient money from salary to pay atleast the loan emi also. i do have a short for 2000 to 3000 rupees in that one. every night she will not leave to me sleep and she will not leave me to work and concentrate my job or work. i missed lot of good things in my life. everytime if i get the problem i will be silent and i thought that what ever anu did to me i things i am getting reply back when if i not responding to any one. even the sir also supporting her and everytime and he also insisted that i should not speak to my relatives and i should not call them or talk to them. the final thing is he told me speak to wrong against my father i have done that one also. everytime if i fell down i was praying to you only and you will survice but what happened i lost more money, things and everyone is pointing towards me only. is this the thing which you are doing to me trusting you only for me in this world. everthing you know about me, i have learnt lot in these things i want to over come the problem, i am asking you that please dont make her to come again in my life and i could not survive her tourcher. i dont want to revenge any people and i want to forgive everyone. but i am fearing that if i do that whether i will leave all that things and i am going to revenge all the people in this world for everything what they have done to me. coming sunday i am going to bangalore with my parents whether you are going to make me there itself and will i am going to be slave like that. whether you dont me and you are going to give the final punishement for me that what i have done wrong all in my life. i am not atheisit to belive in god and to cry towards him. even if you are not hearing to me where i am going to cry and to share my pain in this world. who will love me look me even my parents also not trusting me for anything. i know that i have not kept them anything good for me. i hope i have to take the saint post and i have to solve all the things. every oppurtunity for me is coming up to hand and some one stops that one. if you itself not hearing to me then who will hear me and listen me and to solve me all the problem. whether i have to finish my life. whether you that one from me. you know my vision i should earn lot of money and i should help all the needy people and i should show path to lot of people to come up in there life. i think you dont want to me to do all these things and i should not get good names and reconistation from the relation and people.from young age everyone told me that i am bad and wrong guy, due this what happened everything and everyone is telling me that i am pakka wrong guy and bad guy. is it enough for you. even friends also not beliving me and they are into money minded. Even the property is not selling in my home town also. i prayed to you that my parents should not get any hurt and they should be feeling safe but what is happeneing even till now my father is not having any thing perfect to live. i dont know what are you thinking but till now i have left all the things in your hand only. will i get any other oppurtunity in my life to go to abroad will i survice.

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