ordinary jokes

A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me ... They must be gods!
A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me ... I must be a god!

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Children were lined up in the cafeteria of an elementary school for lunch. At a table was a large pile of apples.
A teacher made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples!"

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Patient: Doctor I heard 10 percent of the total patients undergoing this surgery die.
Doctor: Don't worry man, those 10 percent patients operated by me are already dead. Now it's the turn of the 90 percent survivors.

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-------Lady : Is this my train?Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.~~~~~~